The other day, I took my son to see the Chandler Symphony perform. It was a pops concert, so I was sure there would be some tunes that would speak to him. As for me, I always enjoy the symphony. As the concert began, the house lights dimmed and stars were projected around the stage as The Star Spangled Banner was played. We all stood; many sang. During this song, I was struck (as I always am) by how incredibly meaningful this song is to me. In fact, I cannot experience it with out being emotionally moved…often to tears.
I stood there, watching my son who was engaged by the stars on stage. But what I saw then and always see when I hear that song is the image I burned into my mind in years of mental preparation and visualization. I see myself on the award stand at the Olympics, the US flag rising in that center spot, national anthem ringing out around the natatorium. Then I wondered…will I ever be able to stand with this song playing and just hear the song? Or will the ghost of my athletic past always join me? When I think about it now, I’m not sure which answer I would prefer! While I am confident in who I am now and well adjusted to the fact that my swimming days are well behind me, this piece of my past remains.
It is always interesting to see where my ghosts remain. The work of moving on and letting go of one’s athletic past is a long, possibly continuous, journey. What ghosts stand with you?